da da da dum dum da da dum dum, renewed.

[Wander]

Name: Breakaway
Age: 20 moons.
Gender: She-cat
Personality:

Breakaway has changed in her years of maturing, Her cunning and ability to outsmart others is going strong. Her charm has only improved and grown into her deadliest weapon, Toms and anyone else who dares cross her or tell her otherwise is soon set straight.

Description:

Breakaway's fur color has only gotten deeper fuller and more lushes. Her honey golden pelt has turned a golden color, and the snow flake spider web has gotten more detailed in the pattern. Breakaway’s eyes are amazing, (I told you people that she was going to be beautiful) They sparkle a golden dark brown, the hints of ivy swirl and dance with the lushes golden brown.

History:

By the time breakaway was 13 moons, her father insisted Fillmore to be her mate. Breakaway refused and left. Jacob was heartbroken and thought that Fillmore had killed her, he lashed out causing a attack on himself from breakaways father and Fillmore’s followers. Rainmist Breakaways best friend protected and healed the almost dead Jacob. Breakaway told Rainmist about her leaving and told her to comfort Jacob and tell him she would return. The day after Breakaway left her parents went on a frenzy trying to find her, they looked everywhere they could think but none the less they could not find her. Her parents even talked the clan leader into talking to Rainmist trying to get her to tell, Not even Rainmist knew where or when she would return. 7 moons later a intruder sneaks into camp, unknowingly stepping into the clans meeting... a huge fight brakes out, all the strongest warriors were giving there all but they couldn’t get a single swipe. Jacob was the last warrior standing, they paced in a circle. Breakaway sat down and stared, Jacob soon copied her. Jacob exploded with happiness and rage everyone was seeing how she was the most beautiful in the clan, but she belonged to Jacob. Her parents refused to talk to her but her mother cracked and went nuts, she was grooming her and wasn’t taking four steps away from her. Breakaway is now expecting a kitt.

Other:

Hello people of Warriors, Brakeaway is now fully grown.

~ Wander

Attachments:

[Onyxdart]

Same thing with this one as with the other one- great in the detail department, but if you could fix up some of the run-ons (and other mistakes, if you want to- like apart vs. a part) I'll go ahead and accept it when you get that done! Good job though, it's a lot better to have good description and just need to fix the grammar than to have perfect grammar but need to fix the description (on an RP board, anyway, as far as I'm concerned).

Thanks!

-Onyx

[Wander]

Thanks Onyx! I was sure There was something wrong with it I just couldn¡¦t put my finger on it; I will fix the grammar and other mistakes! Could you PM me or reply to this when I have been accepted? Otherwise I don¡¦t know which way is up ƒº Thanks again!



~Wander ļ