Post by Duskwingflight on Jul 17, 2009 10:44:29 GMT -5
Can you guys critique this?
The thunder slowed and the lightning started to cease. It was the type of storm where is wasn't the lulling thunder that put you to sleep, it was the ear splitting crack, enough to startle the bravest man. The lightning would light up the sky in a flash then split into a million sparks and vanish in merely a second. But only a light rain was left of the terrible storm that had ravaged the lands of Alaska. A long eerie call came down from the mountains rolling off the land. A male wolf, in his prime picked up his head which water dripped from, he was soaking wet. His face was flawless, but by the look in his eye anyone could tell he was in charge. His ears perked as he listened to the message. Suddenly his tail wagged and he jumped for joy. "My pups are coming!" He charged through the forest, his dark brown pelt with just a light brown muzzle and chest matched the trees perfectly and his and the mud splattered it turning the pelt even darker. He finally reached the clearing. It was a small clearing but when the suns sun it lighted up everything. Inside the clearing was a small den and another wolf patiently waiting by it.
"Thorn, the pups will be here soon." A young female murmured while wagging her tail slightly which sprayed water everywhere. Thorn nodded his head and began pacing back and forth looking nervous and eager at the same time. "Stop worrying Basil will do fine." Lilly, the young wolf from earlier stated. She was very pretty, light brown wolf with a white marking in the shape of a flower on her chest.
"This is our first litter. Anything can happen." Thorn growled more to herself then to Lilly, his sister. Just then the yips of newborn pups filled the air and Thorn's ear perked up. "Well?" He asked looking ever so hopeful. Basil, a silver gray wolf, yipped for Thorn, her voice sounded weary and was soon drowned out by the pups but Thorn heard all the same. He loved her lovely sweet brown eyes even though they looked strained and droopy, she was her alpha female.
As he entered the den there was a gasp of horror and confusion. As he looked there were three little bundles, but two had wings! Thorn stared in disbelief, how could this ever happen."
"It's a miracle, we've been blessed." Basil exclaimed looking as happy as can be.
But Thorn started growling. "Or a curse!" Thorn turned his attention to the pups, baring his teeth. "Such things should never happen! Why couldn't be another pack!" Thorn's eyes filled with anger but then filled with sadness. "Why?" His voice was almost a hoarse whisper by now.
Basil got up, much to the displeasure of the pups, and comforted Thorn the best she could. "Everything will be all right. They are our pups and they need us. All the other packs will be so jealous of us." Or they will turn against us. Thorn bitterly and grimly thought, but he couldn't bear the thought of wiping the happy look in his mates soft eyes.
Now they turned their attention to the pups. One of the pups was completely white but with black, bat-like wings, a female. Something about her made you shiver. "This one I named Frost." Basil said softly, clearly she felt the cold coming off in heaps from this pup. Another wolf was completely black but with white, feather-like wings, a male. "I like Moon for this one." Basil said. Thorn nodded his approval, the moon was a special thing, just like this pup.
Lilly popped her head into the head. "Do you mind if I see the pups now?" She said with her tail and ears low, to be submissive. But she still had her grin on.
Basil laughed. "Of coarse, you are my best friend. This is Frost and Moon." Basil said while nosing her pups.
Lilly looked at the third pup trying to figure out why this one didn't have a name. "Didn't you name this one?" Lilly asked. In all the commotion the two parents have forgotten about the third pup, a normal wingless, golden female pup. Basil looked surprised and Thorn shrugged trying not to be embarrassed that he forgot about one of his pups. "Then I'll name her. Her name shall be Goldenfang." Basil and Thorn just nodded their agreement trying to see how they could miss a pup. Poor Goldenfang no one but Lilly could see that, even though she was wingless, she was going to play a key role in the events that were about to happen.
darkwind31.deviantart.com/ this is more of the story
The thunder slowed and the lightning started to cease. It was the type of storm where is wasn't the lulling thunder that put you to sleep, it was the ear splitting crack, enough to startle the bravest man. The lightning would light up the sky in a flash then split into a million sparks and vanish in merely a second. But only a light rain was left of the terrible storm that had ravaged the lands of Alaska. A long eerie call came down from the mountains rolling off the land. A male wolf, in his prime picked up his head which water dripped from, he was soaking wet. His face was flawless, but by the look in his eye anyone could tell he was in charge. His ears perked as he listened to the message. Suddenly his tail wagged and he jumped for joy. "My pups are coming!" He charged through the forest, his dark brown pelt with just a light brown muzzle and chest matched the trees perfectly and his and the mud splattered it turning the pelt even darker. He finally reached the clearing. It was a small clearing but when the suns sun it lighted up everything. Inside the clearing was a small den and another wolf patiently waiting by it.
"Thorn, the pups will be here soon." A young female murmured while wagging her tail slightly which sprayed water everywhere. Thorn nodded his head and began pacing back and forth looking nervous and eager at the same time. "Stop worrying Basil will do fine." Lilly, the young wolf from earlier stated. She was very pretty, light brown wolf with a white marking in the shape of a flower on her chest.
"This is our first litter. Anything can happen." Thorn growled more to herself then to Lilly, his sister. Just then the yips of newborn pups filled the air and Thorn's ear perked up. "Well?" He asked looking ever so hopeful. Basil, a silver gray wolf, yipped for Thorn, her voice sounded weary and was soon drowned out by the pups but Thorn heard all the same. He loved her lovely sweet brown eyes even though they looked strained and droopy, she was her alpha female.
As he entered the den there was a gasp of horror and confusion. As he looked there were three little bundles, but two had wings! Thorn stared in disbelief, how could this ever happen."
"It's a miracle, we've been blessed." Basil exclaimed looking as happy as can be.
But Thorn started growling. "Or a curse!" Thorn turned his attention to the pups, baring his teeth. "Such things should never happen! Why couldn't be another pack!" Thorn's eyes filled with anger but then filled with sadness. "Why?" His voice was almost a hoarse whisper by now.
Basil got up, much to the displeasure of the pups, and comforted Thorn the best she could. "Everything will be all right. They are our pups and they need us. All the other packs will be so jealous of us." Or they will turn against us. Thorn bitterly and grimly thought, but he couldn't bear the thought of wiping the happy look in his mates soft eyes.
Now they turned their attention to the pups. One of the pups was completely white but with black, bat-like wings, a female. Something about her made you shiver. "This one I named Frost." Basil said softly, clearly she felt the cold coming off in heaps from this pup. Another wolf was completely black but with white, feather-like wings, a male. "I like Moon for this one." Basil said. Thorn nodded his approval, the moon was a special thing, just like this pup.
Lilly popped her head into the head. "Do you mind if I see the pups now?" She said with her tail and ears low, to be submissive. But she still had her grin on.
Basil laughed. "Of coarse, you are my best friend. This is Frost and Moon." Basil said while nosing her pups.
Lilly looked at the third pup trying to figure out why this one didn't have a name. "Didn't you name this one?" Lilly asked. In all the commotion the two parents have forgotten about the third pup, a normal wingless, golden female pup. Basil looked surprised and Thorn shrugged trying not to be embarrassed that he forgot about one of his pups. "Then I'll name her. Her name shall be Goldenfang." Basil and Thorn just nodded their agreement trying to see how they could miss a pup. Poor Goldenfang no one but Lilly could see that, even though she was wingless, she was going to play a key role in the events that were about to happen.
darkwind31.deviantart.com/ this is more of the story
