new cat

[darblackwolf]

Name: ICE(iceclaw as warrior)
Age: twenty four moons
Gender: She-cat
Personality:

Ice is a very kind and loving cat, willing to take care of any kit or young cat that needs her help. She is very brave in battle and will make sure that everyone else is safe before she makes sure she is. She is a very respectful and normally quiet cat, though will defend her stand if she feels that the topic is important. She a silent and stealthy hunter, good at catching mice because of how light framed she is.

Description:

Ice is a sleek silver blue she-cat with intense cobalt hues and white paws . She has a light frame and long powerful legs which make her able to leap higher then most cats she has met . She has a long tail that provides her with perfect balance as well.



fc01.deviantart.com/fs49/i/2009/156/0/8/ICE_by_darblackwolf.jpg

History:

Ice grew up as a rouge and lost both of her parents at a young age. She was adopted by a wise elderly cat and was raised by her until she was only enough to live on her own. She has never forgotten her parents and always speaks of them fondly. Even though she doesn’t remember them very well. Several moons ago she met up with a male rouge, but he was killed near a Thunderpath. She now seeks a clan, hoping for a safe home to raise her kits in. Ice was told her bloodline can be traced back to the legendary graystripe, her mother was the great-granddaughter to stormfur and brook.

Other:

Ice will be given birth in a few days carrying a tom(foxkit) and a she-cat(frostkit).Ice would perfer a clan suited of her natural abilities.

[Onyxdart]

First off, please go back and put this in something that checks grammar- unless it's a question, no full sentence starts with "Is", because then it doesn't have a subject. I notice that most of your history is also incomplete sentences- again, complete sentences contain subjects (something that does the action). So, for instance, "Grew up as a rogue..." should be "She grew up as a rogue..." or "Ice grew up as a rogue..."

Second of all, please see Bane's post on a successful character application, specifically the area on Character description. The character description should be more than just the plain physical characteristics. In fact, you may want to read the whole thing- it really isn't as long as it looks, and it gives some good hints on creating a really excellent character that you'll enjoy RPing for more than just a couple weeks.

You have a great start here! Please fix the couple things I've asked you to fix, and I'll come by and check again.

-Onyx

[darblackwolf]

i fixed is it better

[Amberstar]

<sub>Much better! I hope to see this good of work from you in the future. c:

Accepted.</sub>

[darblackwolf]

thanks cinder trust me i will work my hardest on post make sure i grammer check