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Post by rumba24532 on Apr 27, 2007 20:12:08 GMT -5
"Leader of the pack may I join the rising clan the reason why I wanted to help you cats and am a loyal and responeable cat all all way help and I well help fight"
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Post by Kestrel on Apr 27, 2007 20:43:09 GMT -5
[ I'd kinda like to see a RP post, and not a quote. And that's a run-on sentence; I'm particular about grammar ^^' ...Did you know that there's a built-in spell-checker on proboards sites? ^^
Also, you also posted in RisingClan and TreeClan. Posting in a bunch off different places at the same time is contradictory. ]
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Post by rumba24532 on Apr 27, 2007 20:44:53 GMT -5
[[sorry and what?like what though?]]
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Post by Kestrel on Apr 27, 2007 20:51:21 GMT -5
[ Well, you didn't say anything about the character; what does s/he look like? What is s/he doing? How does s/he feel? Is it a he or she? What's his/her name? Also, why would s/he just shout out those words s/he said? A full RP post-- generally proper grammar as well ^^ ]
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Post by rumba24532 on Apr 27, 2007 21:06:21 GMT -5
[[Ill try]]
Rumba is a mix he is a full grown adult. His proud to help people.
He is always honest. He is a great friend.He looks like a small cat that looks like a panther.He is looking for a clan and a mate and he is happy most of the time.Rumba is a he. His full name Rumba
Panther Cat.He wants to join the Rising clan Because he feels there a good clan and he would be a good help for fighting,hunting, and keeping Gruad!
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Post by Kestrel on Apr 27, 2007 21:23:26 GMT -5
zetsubou kara no hajimari te ni shlta kara ;;
A gray and white she-cat, her feathery fur fluttering lightly in the wind, her mismatched eyes bright and alert, slinked through the low scrub-brush. Though the hillside she stood upon was steep, she moved steadily, with confidence.
In the sheltering shadow of the scrub-brush, she could not be seen. But she could see the tresspasser, and her hawklike gaze surveyed him with a piercing directness.
Far above, outlined against the fierce blue sky, a kestrel soared.
The swift bird dove suddenly, narrow wings flaring at the ground, checking him in mid-fall.
He hovered a tail-length above the pantherlike cat, dark eyes staring unblinking.
He called out in fluent Cat language, "Hello! Why are you here?"
It must have been a bit of a shock, to hear a bird of prey calling out in the language of felines...
;; arukitsuzukeyou
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Post by rumba24532 on Apr 27, 2007 21:31:42 GMT -5
"muh?whos that woah.cat talking Bird?Im here to join the risingclan. Bird Im Rumba the mix who might you be?" Questoin the cat."plus am looking for other cats around here."
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Post by Kestrel on Apr 28, 2007 14:31:40 GMT -5
zetsubou kara no hajimari te ni shlta kara ;;
"There are indeed other cats here, as you should well be able to tell by scent."
As if by magic, a she-cat appeared. Her fur was white, splotched with pale gray, and she was slim and swift-looking. Her dainty paws hid frightfully long claws.
In her mismatched eyes -one was bright electric yellow, the other cool blue- burned a wild and implacable light.
The she-cat had an air of dignity and authority around her. Utterly confident, sure of the world and her place within it.
"Brightgate," she mewed sharply, cutting her eyes at the falcon, who shot to her shoulder.
Brightgate was the bird's name, and the she-cat's name was Kestrel.
The monarch of RisingClan fixed the newcomer with her steady gaze.
"And why have you come to these lands?" she meowed cooly, in one of her more wary moods.
;; arukitsuzukeyou
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Post by rumba24532 on Apr 28, 2007 14:58:15 GMT -5
" I have come to join this clan."
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Post by Kestrel on Apr 28, 2007 15:06:20 GMT -5
zetsubou kara no hajimari te ni shlta kara ;;
Kestrel reguarded Rumba evenly. "Why?" she asked simply, her voice sharp.
"Why RisingClan, and no other Clans?"
;; arukitsuzukeyou
[ It's a bit irritating to read a post that consists simply of a quote. The point of a RP is writing-- how did your cat say the words? What is he doing? You need to write those things out, or you can't have a very effective RP. Just a tip. ] |
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Post by Rumba on Apr 28, 2007 15:10:58 GMT -5
[oh boy...]
"I feel like I belong in this place."stands up and walks around.
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Post by Kestrel on Apr 28, 2007 15:17:10 GMT -5
zetsubou kara no hajimari te ni shlta kara ;;
Kestrel followed the unknown cat's movements with keen eyes. "Not good enough," she sighed, blinking her mismatched eyes.
"These are dangerous times. RisingClan needs only loyal warriors-- cats prepared to fight, and maybe die, for the Clan."
She seemed faintly agitated. Every now and then Kestrel acted like this; she grew wary and suspicious, more quick to anger, less lenient.
"What skills could you offer us?"
;; arukitsuzukeyou
[ What do you mean by 'oh boy'?
And...that wasn't even a complete sentence ^^' I'm sorry, it's just a little irking to me to see a post like that. It's like writing a book-- you have to get into it, or you'll never have any fun. ^^ ] |
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Post by rumba24532 on Apr 28, 2007 15:31:15 GMT -5
"I great at stealth and surpise, I can get to place to place easyily. I have Great fighting skills too!" sits and sighs.
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Post by Kestrel on Apr 28, 2007 15:45:29 GMT -5
zetsubou kara no hajimari te ni shlta kara ;;
"A good fighter compared to whom, I wonder...?" Kestrel murmured to herself, her mismatched eyes flickering.
But she did not ask, and instead, meowed, "Yes, but would you be willing to commit yourself to a Clan on the brink of war?"
;; arukitsuzukeyou
[ ^^' That's not even a sentence. 'Sits and sighs'...who sits and sighs? Without a subject, it's not a complete sentence. And why did the character sigh? I don't even know what mood he's in... ] |
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Post by rumba24532 on Apr 28, 2007 15:47:30 GMT -5
"yes,I would Im not afraid!"Stands up!
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Post by darkwhisk on Apr 28, 2007 15:57:04 GMT -5
ooc - Rumba, you're in two places at once...your cat can't be in two Clans. You're either in TreeClan or RisingClan. Choose one, and you can make a different cat for the other if you want.
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Post by rumba24532 on Apr 28, 2007 16:05:35 GMT -5
occ- i going to be in this clan dang it!  |
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Post by darkwhisk on Apr 28, 2007 16:10:23 GMT -5
ooc - then why are you also replying in TreeClan? If you're going to be in RisingClan, don't post in the boundaries of TreeClan as well as in RisingClan.
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Post by rumba24532 on Apr 28, 2007 16:13:58 GMT -5
occ- i just finsinsh that UP! it done over with he left!
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Post by Kestrel on Apr 28, 2007 17:56:24 GMT -5
zetsubou kara no hajimari te ni shlta kara ;;
"Then you are a fool."
Kestrel's brilliant eyes flashed. Then she let her fur fall flat, and said, "You have much to learn, but I will allow you entrance. So long as you obey the laws I set down, and respect your fellow warriors, and your deputy, and myself; so long as your courage does not fail, I will take you in."
Brightgate gave a fluting cry at that, an ominous and thrilling sound.
The cat nodded slowly. "I am Kestrel."
;; arukitsuzukeyou
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