xx breaking my heart

[Chainless]

Starclan forgive me…

Pawstep after pawstep. The medicine cat should have left so soon after her kitting to take her kits away, she knew this, knew that was the reason for her weakened form.

But she could not allow them to stay a moment longer within Stoneclan. Starclan would be angry with her sin, and she could not allow for it to cause harm to Featherstar or her clan. Not after the pure kindness her leader had shown to her.

…what if Lillystar refused to take her daughter?

That bad plagued Chainless’s mind for some time. She could not keep her daughter, Starkit would never return to Stoneclan.

If Mistclan did not accept her daughter, she would have to kill her.

Each of her kits had a separate destiny to follow, and could not be within the same clan. Chainless knew this, sensed that this was how Starclan wanted it, and she….she knew she had to do it.

But then…

Finally!

The white cat padded across the Mistclan borders, exhaustion battling through her senses.

Btu she did not stop, heading towards the heart of the clan’s territory. This was too urgent a matter for the mother to wait; she had other kits to take away, and this? This was the fastest she knew that she’d be noticed.

[Shadow Spirit]

A tall she-cat padded delicately over the slippery rocks that guarded the entrance to her camp. Soft white paws held up a slender frame, splashed with enormous flowers. The river ran clear and fast, filled with early summer rains.

Lillystar was on her usual patrol, keeping watch over MistClan's borders. She wasn't expecting anything out of the ordinary. Maybe a fox to chase off or a wanderer to interrogate, but what she saw was far from what she'd expected. A cat she knew she recognized was sitting inside the border, as near to the camp as she could be without actually setting foot in it. With her, was a single kit. She calmly padded over to them, not wanting to frighten anyone.

"You're Chainless...aren't you?" Lillystar asked, raising a brow questioningly. "What brings you...and that kit...here?"

[Chainless]

Relief. The sensation burned its way through her, and Chainless gently placed the nearly newborn kit down at her paws. Starkit gave a small cry, but then huddled close to her mother's fur, white blending into white.

“Yes Lillystar. I am Chainless, Stoneclan’s medicine cat. And this…this kit is my kit.”

Taboo. Sin.

But there was nothing but sadness in that two-toned gaze.

“I cannot keep her Lillystar. Starclan forbids it, and to make things right I must get rid of my kits. Will you take her?”

[Shadow Spirit]

Lillystar was shocked. Now that she got a better look at the kit, she could see that it was just hours old, if that. Still wet behind the ears, the helpless and fragile little life now rested on her decision. Lillystar had no idea how to go about this. Sure, she'd heard countless tales of half-clan cats from the past, but never had she had to take over the care of an abandoned newborn. Would it be better if she refused, but how could she? Should she tell her clan where the kit came from or should she pretend that it had been left there all alone?

"Chainless...I cannot possibly turn her away, it would be uncaring...and we have several queens who could take care of her...but..." Lillystar hesitated. "How would I explain her existence...?" "No cat in their right mind would leave such a tiny baby all alone...and what if she sees cats that look like her, or remembers your scent?" "How am I to deal with this?"

[Chainless]

Chainless patiently waited the clan leader out, her gaze that of a broken mother. But honestly, it had been her mistake, for all that she did not consider it a mistake, and knew this was the price she had to pay.

Her muzzled lowered, gently touching the top of the tiny kit’s head. The small bundle did not move again, but purred instead.

“She will not remember me, ever, nor feel any kinship towards myself, her father, or her sisters. If she sees me, if someone tells her about me, she will laugh it off, and refuse to acknowledge it.”

The words were soft, but she knew this to be the truth. It was the one blessing her dear Starclan had given the white she-cat, the one mercy, and that was that she knew parts of their destinies.

“Tell her…tell her that her mother was a lone nomad, sick and unable to care for her. That she entrusted her to you, knowing that she would have a better life here, in Mistclan, then wondering through the dangerous wild. Tell her that her mother would always, always, love her, even when she could not watch her daughter grow up.”

The she-cat grew silent, aware how tired she was and that she still had two more kits to take away from the cavern before she could rest. Btu Chainless was not finished yet.

“Her name is Starkit. I can…see…that she will walk the righteous path. That she will grow strong, and grow true to her heart, and be a great warrior for your clan. Allow her to get to know Umberpaw; as my half-sister can teach her things that no other cat can. Starkit will never become a medicine cat, although she too will hear Starclan’s voices. But Lillystar, may I request one thing?”

[Shadow Spirit]

Lillystar listened intently to every word the queen spoke. She wanted to make sure that she didn't miss anything that might be crucial to the kit's life. Despite Chainless' words, Lillystar was still concerned. Somehow, she felt that something in the kit's future would go awry. Regardless, Chainless seemed certain and she had agreed to take this baby in.

"What is it that you ask? she said, in response to the medicine cat's last words.

[Chainless]

“When she becomes a warrior, please name her Starocean. You see by then why the name is important.”

There was a sudden glow, unbidden and shockingly similar to the one that burned so fiercely in Umberpaw’s eyes, flaming up in Chainless’s. She bent one last time, giving her tiny little white kit a lick, hues dimming as sadness filled them.

This was goodbye…forever.

The white she-cat finally blurred, turning quickly and leaping away from the Mistclan leader and her daughter, but her last words carried so briefly on the wind before fading.

“I thank you Lillystar. I can never repay you for this…”

And then, nothing.

[Shadow Spirit]

Lillystar watched as the medicine she-cat leapt away, her last words carried on the cool breeze that swept off the river. Even though her eyes had burned with passion and her words been firm, Lillystar could tell that Chainless was grieving inside. Walking up to the tiny kit, the leader lowered her head and licked the little one's flanks, trying to keep her warm in the cool evening air. Sighing sadly, she grabbed Starkit gently by the scruff of her neck and delicately carried her away. This time she took care to walk on the small ledge around the waterfall, not wanting to get the tiny one drenched...