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[Kestrel]

You'll never ^take _me alive

Kestrel's hawklike claws slid back into their sheaths and she dropped her paw.
"No," she said softly. "Not yet. I must think, and rest; and that is an act better left alone or among small numbers."

The wind sang across the earth, rattled the scrub-grass, hissed through the clouds of dust.
Kestrel wanted to stay here, for just a short while. To rest her beaten paws.

The howling gale spun grit and dust in her face, and it seemed to rub away the intensity around her, and the weariness on her face. She was still mostly young and she was pretty, slim and not particularly large, but when she stood high up on her stone, commanding her Clan with that fire in her eyes, the fact that she was just a cat seemed to blur to nothing.
Here, she was a mortal cat who bleeds and laughs; at camp, she was a fearless leader. And she was always sure of herself.

^I'm alive

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[Shadow Spirit]

What compels you to be this way...?

Chasm nodded and settled down in the grass beside her. He watched her intently, eyes as gray as the snow-laden sky. Watching the wind toss the sparse grass, he thought back to the time when he had lived in the twoleg place. Back then, all he could do was look at the grass through the tiny under-den windows. Nothing made him happier than knowing that he would never have to dream about this life again, now he was going to live it.

How long do you want to wait before returning to the Clan...?" he asked, eyes flashing with apprehension. "Can the Clan go on alright without their leader?"

[Kestrel]

You'll never ^take _me alive

"Not long," Kestrel answered absently. "But there is time-- not much, but some. I need relative solitude to gather my thoughts."

But she was not thinking about Bane and the war that was looming on the horizon.
Instead, her mind turned to her dream.

It was just past dawn, it seemed, or just before dusk. It was chilly but not freezing, and--

Kestrel choked off the visions before they could go much further.
Turning pensively to Chasm, she asked, "Do you ever dream, Chasm?"

^I'm alive

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[Shadow Spirit]

Dreams are fleeting...especially when you've lost hope...

Chasm looked up at Kestrel in surprise. That was not a question he had expected to hear from the confident leader. She suddenly seemed rather timid, as if his answer could somehow change her fate. Was it possible that this powerful cat was as uncertain about the future as he was?

"I'm sure I did at some point...though I don't remember it well..." he said. "It's hard to dream when you think your life will never change...when all you know of your future is that suffering will be endless... He spoke as if he still lived in that wretched place. His heart was going to take time to heal...

[Kestrel]

You'll never ^take _me alive

Kestrel almost tapped his shoulder with her tail sympathetically, but remembered how he had reacted the last time and resisted.
Instead, she settled for a sympathetic look and the words, "That part of your life is over now."

Then she turned her mismatched gaze away and looked back at the vast, dusty blue sky. "I dream," she mewed softly. "And it's always the same dream..."

It was just past da... The image spluttered on and off. She could almost tough the dream, but somehow it scared her.
She did not want to touch it.

Because it was real.

^I'm alive

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[Shadow Spirit]

We think our minds are under our control...but our minds can scare us...

Chasm looked at her back, as she had once again turned her face away. He stood and walked around to the front of her, fixing his gray gaze on her face.

"I'm not so good with words..." he muttered. "But I think you should tell me about this...dream...it seems to be troubling you a great deal..."

[Kestrel]

You'll never ^take _me alive

Kestrel stared straight at Chasm, her eyes sharp and narrowed and intense, burning through Chasm's face.
Then her eyes clouded for a moment and refocused somewhere behind him.
Out. Her mind flew across the plain, down the black-hole of her memory, and into the vault where she kept her dream...

It was just past dawn, it seemed, or just before dusk. It was chilly but not freezing, and the she-cat's breath drifted up like a ghost.
The sky was a gradient of pink and yellow and light violet...red shaded the horizon. It seemed like dawn, so it must have been then.
Soon the sun would drive the chill from the air, but now the cool air hung motionless.
The she-cat's uneven, tripping steps stole the grace from her slim body; her pretty face looked haggard and open, and her mismatched eyes were wide and glazed with shock.
She felt cold.
She was so tired....so

[/b] tired. She nearly staggered through the endless plain, her breathing messy and rasping, a dull, driving pain pounding her from somewhere. Where it came from, she was not sure. Her body felt too numb to isolate anything...
Her white and gray fur was dyed red by blood, most of it reddening the long fur of her belly and her legs. Her face was smudged by it, and she could taste it in her mouth. That iron taste against her teeth.
The worst part, though...the worst part...was that she didn't know where it came from. Her mind was a blank slate.
Most of the blood was hers, but some--
Some--
Oh god, some of it was someone else's.
There was a pool of water, delicately shimmering in the dawn light. The she-cat stumbled toward it, crying out in pain.
Now she undestood that the pain was coming from her belly, but she felt it in a scary, detatched way.
She half-fell, half-crawled into the water, unable to balance on the shore.
For a moment she lay there, nearly submerged. A fluttering breeze stirred the plants around her.
The water was tinged red when she lifted her head. when the pond calmed, she could see her face, and it terrified her.
Her eeys were vacant, the look of someone in deep shock. There was blood on her face and she could taste it, and she knew she had taken a life not long before.
Not long before at all.[/i]

Kestrel paused and cleared her throat. She had been speaking for a short while, and now the dream was gone.
Kestrel looked down at her paws for a moment, then stood.
Using one hooked claw, she drew aside the long fur on her belly.
She felt a faint dark wave of dread rise up on her mind, but it was nothing.
Just a scar. A long one, starting just below her chest and going all most all the way down her belly, deliberate and deep.
Just a half a hair deeper and Kestrel would have never lived to wander the Rogue Meadow.
Someone had tried to kill her. But she did not remember who, or why.

^I'm alive[/s][/u][/color][/font][/center][/size]

[Shadow Spirit]

What is a memory...?

Chasm saw Kestrel's gaze grow distant and he realized she was remembering. She was "gone" for several long moments, before she seemed to come back to herself. He listened to her story, horror gracing his face at every few words. Once her eyes drifted back into her own head, she seemed alarmed. When she drew away her fur and he saw the scar, his heart skipped a beat. Did she know it was there...? He certainly hadn't.

"Did that come from whatever attacked you?!" he exclaimed. The worry in his voice surprised even him...

[Kestrel]

You'll never ^take _me alive

Kestrel looked soberly at Chasm, silent. She nodded mutely, something like desperate sadness in her eyes.
But it was distand and vague. A lot of the terror had faded through the moons.

After a moment she spoke in a quiet, subdoed voice, "I don't know why. I wish I did. And I wish I knew where I had been born, and who my parents were, and what had happened tp whatever family I had back then.
I have no past, Chasm. That, the dream, is my first memory. I was eight moons old, give or take, and I don't remember anything before that."

^I'm alive

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[Shadow Spirit]

Sit and listen...
I was very nervous...No one knew me...but you let me in...

Chasm watched her expression go from sheer horror to a kind of strange haunted look. She remembered this one thing...the worst memory she had...and it was her only one. Chasm's heart twisted with grief. The cat who he thought was so unlike him, was in fact so much like him it was hard to accept...

He wasn't sure exactly what happened next, but something compelled him to move. Before he knew it, his head was against her shoulder, nuzzling her gently. The massive tom had no idea what he was doing and if his mind was in control he would've felt exceedingly awkward. Although for now...his mind seemed to be running second command, to something more important. Black and silver met white and gray, their fur mingling in the touch. Gray eyes swimming with confusion, Chasm rested his head there, not sure what to do...

[Kestrel]

You'll never ^take _me alive

Kestrel relaxed, dropping her head onto her paws.
She was a good cat and a strong cat, but she was a cat without roots or a family or memories of any real value.
That void would take a toll on any cat, and while she was happy with her life in general, in that way, she was always just a little bit sad.
Her voice was a ghost, and it was a tired and sad one. "I never said a word to anyone. Those dreams come quite a bit; sometimes there are other bits there. A cat with black claws, and a name. Sometimes I don't always remember the name, and it seems vitally important."
Maybe Kestrel had the right to be vulnerable once in a while. She could be strong when it mattered -nearly all the time- but there were times when she didn't want to be strong.
Sometimes you wanted to wallow in your sadness, and sometimes you needed to. Sadness has a way of getting caught inside, and if it wasn't allowed to flow back out, it would soak in, and be there forever.
So Kestrel let her sharp gaze cloud and allowed her muscles to relax. The sadness caught up to her and overwhelmed her, but that was ok. Chasm did not move from his spot, and that was ok too.
Soon she would be up and running, fighting and yowling orders and the fire would be in her eyes, but not now.
Not now.

^I'm alive

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[Shadow Spirit]

This isn't me...
I don't do this...I don't understand it...
So why does it feel so normal...?

Chasm didn't move his head from her shoulder. He felt her relax and listened to her confession of what she'd hidden for so long. In his whole life he had never had anyone confide in him the way she was doing now and it both thrilled and terrified him. It was comforting, to know she trusted him so freely, but at the same time he would always carry the burden of her heaviest feelings on his back. He hated to admit it, but it frightened him.

"Don't fret over it now...there are worse matters to be dealt with...and we can always look into it again..." he said quietly, his eyes sliding shut. "For now...just...be calm...it's soothing..." With that he shut his eyes and pressed up close to her. Knowing that she too had dark secrets in her past gave him a sort of closure to his own. He lay nestled against her, breathing in her scent and feeling...happy...for probably the first time in his life.

[Kestrel]

You'll never ^take _me alive

Slowly, very very slowly, Kestrel's eyes slid shut. She drifted through a thousand veils, each darker than the next, finally ending in the deep black of sleep.

And there were no dreams.

^I'm alive

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Psst, poke her awake at some point, Chasm! xD

[Shadow Spirit]

I'll take a risk...
Take a chance...
Then maybe I can break away...from this past that consumes me...

Chasm lifted his head and stared around. The light had changed dramatically and he soon realized why that was. They'd been asleep for hours! He wanted to bolt upright, but then he remembered that Kestrel was sleeping soundly next to him. Not wanting to startle her, he slipped his paws away quietly and then nudged her shoulder.

"Kestrel...we've been here too long...we must get back..." he said, feeling anxious and stupid for falling asleep when there was so much turmoil occuring elsewhere.

[Kestrel]

You'll never ^take _me alive

Kestrel's eyes fluttered, and for a moment there was something very kitlike and earnest about her.
Then her mismatched eyes brightened; a fire equal to that of a thousand furious summer suns blazed within those eyes.
Her former intensity came around her almost as if summoned.

She leaped to her paws in a flash, going from 'tired she-cat' to 'passionate leader' in less than a heartbeat.
It was almost scary.
"Right," she meowed briskly, already starting up the hill.
She was not a cat to waste time in idle uncertainties. Whatever had happened here, she had her Clan to think of.
"It is time to return, Chasm."

She flitted across the hilltop, swift as a falcon, fleeting as a summer rain, and was gone.

^I'm alive

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Psst, poke her awake at some point, Chasm! xD

[Shadow Spirit]

What can I become...?

Chasm took off after his swift leader. Her fleetness of foot made keeping up a chore, since his body was built for stamina and not for sheer speed. Black and silver pelt whipping in the wind, he was able to catch up, but never overtake her. They ran together, back to the place they called home.

OOC: So where does we post now, Kest?

[Kestrel]

-.- Giddy, this thread is a) private (it's an ettiquite thing-- there are some places you just don't post. I didn't feel I had to say that) and b) over. Both the charries have left.

[Lucky]

*growls* Every board here seems private! Where should I post then? If a board's going to be private, it should say so!

[Kestrel]

Most of the time, whether a board is private or not is common sense.
This isn't a board, it's thread. You keep confusing me by saying 'board' o.o

RisingClan has hit a brief inactive patch, sadly. I was thinking of starting an in-camp thread including everyone, but, as I said, there's a small bout of RisingClan inactivity at the moment.