And the pain; [it’s] s-l-i-p-p-i-n-g /away/

[Kestrel]

zetsubou kara no hajimari te ni shlta kara ;;


Kestrel's sharp gaze shifted to Anarchy. She was not at all afraid; few cats besides Bane could match her in battle, and she had never met one that could outclass her speed. She had met cats time and again who could rival it, but never beat her in a race.
Cats either lose or tie against Kestrel in a race-- she had never known it to be different, though she knew there was someone faster out there. There always was.

"You were with the BoneClanners in the beginning," she meowed. She could tell this much from Brightgate's recount of the events; this cat was a traitor to BoneClan's cause.
How and why...?


;; arukitsuzukeyou

[Shadow Spirit]

You shall never know my true intentions...for my mind is my only true home...my sanctuary...

Anarchy sized this she-cat up. She looked like she would put up a good fight, but nothing he couldn't handle. His brain was already doing calculations of her skills versus his, all based on her appearance and demeanor. The way she moved, the way she breathed, even how many times she blinked, all correlated with her standing in battle and in life.

"What reason have I to explain myself to you?" he replied. The strained and elusive Anarchy that had bargained with rogues was no more. Now he was back to his old self.

[Hiddenwrath]

Don’t do something foolish Anarchy…
Hazel hues flicked, landing on the cat who had turned sides.
But he was no longer a possible Boneclanner to be.

Why did Kestrel seem bother?
Wasn’t the enemy of the enemy a friend?

But Hiddenwrath knew, deep inside herself, that Anarchy would not join Kestrel’s forces.

And she felt just as sure Kestrel wouldn’t accept him.

But..
But..

The she-cat found herself backed into a corner; trapped.
Nowhere to turn.
Nowhere to go.

And she didn’t know what was right to choose.

[Kestrel]

zetsubou kara no hajimari te ni shlta kara ;;


"Because Hiddenwrath is one of my warriors." Kestrel replied without looking, her voice sharp and cold like chilled steel.
"Her well-being is my business. But never mind; there are more important matters to adress here."

Her mismatched eyes rested on Hiddenwrath alone.
"Hiddenwrath," she meowed, her voice marginally softer.

Kestrel believed Brightgate. She understood on a basic level what this was here before her.
A shame, but no tragedy.

"Are you a RisingClan warrior, Hiddenwrath? Or a loner?"

"Answer honestly. Your life is your own; if the answer is yes, I am glad. If it is no, then I pray the rest of your life is good. But understand that I cannot have a cat of compromised loyalties in my Clan-- not at these times of war."

Anarchy underestimated her. Most did; because she was young by many standards, because she was pretty. She showed no tokens of battle, so most assumed she could not fight.
But she knew things. Her paws his claws so sharp they could cut when simply laid against the skin.

And her eyes missed nothing. She snapped a glance to Anarchy, her movements so blindingly fast it could be startling.
Her fierce mismatched eyes sparked cooly. "Are you thinking of fighting me?" she asked evenly, still not at all worried.
"There is no reason for that."

Then Kestrel turned her gaze back to Hiddenwrath, awaiting the answer.
She would not hate Hiddenwrath; she would never hate a cat for speaking the truth.
But if Hiddenwrath lied to her, then she would know how much anger Kestrel held within her. No cat had ever seen the full force of her rage, and that was a blessing.



;; arukitsuzukeyou

[Hiddenwrath]

A choice.
Why?

The look in those hazel eyes changed to one of pure confusion.
What had Kestrel seen?
What did she know?

It had to be something, for the noble leader to question her thusly.

“I am a Ris….”

The words died.
Something snapped a little, inside.

Her eyes turned from Kestrel, to look at Anarchy.
Confusion.

Pain.

She tried again.

“I mean to say, that I’ll always…”

Another halt.
Why couldn’t she say that she would always be one of Kestrel’s warriors?
Always be a Risingclan member?

But fate held her in its merciless grasp.
And Hiddenwrath knew no way out.

If it was one mark that shone the best from this she-cat;
Was that she never lied.
Not even when her future was at stake.

“I’m sorry Kestrel.”

Her gaze returned to meet her leader’s.
And those words were answer enough.

“I’m so sorry.”

[Kestrel]

zetsubou kara no hajimari te ni shlta kara ;;


Strangely, Kestrel almost smiled.
She padded forward and tapped Hiddenwrath with her tail, her eyes losing their cutting edge, her grim expression fading.

For some, the truth was hard. For Kestrel, it could only be good.

"Once I would have envied you," she said softly, her voice too low for Anarchy to hear, maybe even too low for Hiddenwrath.
Why she would no longer envy her, the leader did not say.

She understood that Hiddenwrath did not yet understand; soon she would. Soon, she would understand everything. But sometimes you're too close to yourself to answer things the right way.

"When I was young, someone tried to murder me," she said suddenly, her expression not changing. "I have no memory of the first part of my life; why someone tried to kill me I do not know. How my family was, I do not know. Where I was born, I do not know. I only know that my name is Kestrel and I am here now. I have...the love of my Clan. My convictions. My strength."
A strange expression passed through her face in a fleeting instant and was gone. "...You found something else."

Kestrel did not elaborate. Instead, she raised her head, proud and authortative, her tail waving.
She spoke the words from nowhere, but they held depthless meaning.
"Hiddenwrath, I hereby and now lift the title of RisingClanner from you-- and with it, I lift the burden of warriorship, the Clan's protection, my war."
Not our war. For Hiddenwrath was not one of Kestrel's any longer.
"You shall be Hiddenwrath the loner. I will tell them what truth I know, and do your memory no dishonor."
Again with that expression, and a faint half-smile.
"May your life lead you well, and may you lead it well."


;; arukitsuzukeyou

[Hiddenwrath]

Her leader spoke of her past.
Of a lost of memories.

And the fluffy she-cat knew.
It was time for her own sin to be spoken.

“My home…was far far to the south of here. We lived deep in a jungle; there were so many trees. Life was different then.”

Her eyes lifted, towards the sky.

“They believe in Starclan. And, although they raised me to follow in their ideas….I never did. Starclan is without any meaning to me.”

Hazel eyes lowered; looking at Kestrel. Ready to receive any outburst of disbelief, of anger, from her leader.

“They threw me out. My mother, my siblings, the entire clan. I had nothing. My father was a loner; he took me in. And then we left that place.”

She needn’t go on.
The rest was clear.

They had made it here.
And her dear father had passed on.

Ah, but what was the use thinking of that?

She had found something else?
What was that something?

Hazel eyes flitted to Anarchy, just before Kestrel continued.
Her words vibrating; echoing through Hiddenwrath’s soul.

And with those words Hiddenwrath of Risingclan was no more.
And so stood there Hiddenwrath the loner.

Was this…the end?
Was this…goodbye forever?

No!
No!

Hiddenwrath wouldn’t let this be the final saying!
The final goodbye.

“Kestrel. This isn’t farewell forever, is it?”

She didn’t want it to be.
Kestrel had accepted her.
And there would always be a sort of loyalty there;
Divided although it may be.

[Kestrel]

zetsubou kara no hajimari te ni shlta kara ;;


Kestrel merely nodded, accepting the story without protest, or even disbelief.

Meeting Hiddenwrath's gaze in her direct way, she chuckled softly. "We're the only war in town," she meowed, tapping Hiddenwrath. "If you ever feel like getting back into it, we'll welcome your help. You'll never be a RisingClanner again, you realize, but we won't shut you out.

And this war isn't going anywhere," she added, with a wink that was more than a little unusual for her.


Brightgate hopped off Kestrel's back and flapped toward Hiddenwrath. Tilting his head back, he said, "If you happen to see me, call my down anytime." He brushed her foreleg with his wing by way of goodbye, and flutted back to Kestrel.


;; arukitsuzukeyou

[Shadow Spirit]

Anarchy: confusion; chaos; disorder...absence of any cohesive principle, such as a common standard or purpose...

So what if you can see...the darkest side of me...?

Anarchy watched Kestrel warily, but she would never realize it. His demon eyes were set so hard, it seemed as if he was looking right through her. She thought she was so smart, but he knew she would never outwit him. He had no need for leaders, for authority, he bowed to no one...

"If you're quite done...I'd like to move on..." he said coldly, glaring at Kestrel. Sympathy was not something that came to him easily, but there was a little for Hiddenwrath. Of course, staying in the presence of one so "noble" as Kestrel for too long got very trying...

[Hiddenwrath]

“Anytime Kestrel. Anytime, anywhere, I’ll assist.”

A sad smile.
But this wasn’t the end.

And for that; Hiddenwrath felt the tightening feeling in her chest loosen.
And then Anarchy spoke; and the pretty she-cat merely twitched her ears.

“He is right.”

For it was time to leave.

“We’ll see each other again.”

And then Hiddenwrath turned, nudged Anarchy’s shoulder lightly, and padded silently away.
Away from her past.
Towards the future.

[Shadow Spirit]

I can't escape myself...so why should you be allowed...?

Anarchy was happy to be leaving. The nudge from Hiddenwrath, amazingly, did not anger him. Such "friendly" gestures were completely foreign to him. Had she been anyone else, that move might have gotten her throat cut. Without so much as a backwards glance, he followed after the she-cat, but quickly took up the lead. As it was, Anarchy would be lead by no one, not even Hiddenwrath.

"So...what do you propose we do now?" he posed the question to her. "I have saved you from a fate worse than death...but are you really prepared to live alongside a cat who cares nothing for anyone save for this bizarre feeling for you?" "Could you live with it if I killed those you knew in RisingClan, could YOU kill them if they threatened our safety?"

[Hiddenwrath]

If he remained with Hiddenwrath; he’d learn such friendly gestures, there was no doubt in that. After all, the she-cat was a kind soul, and always would be.

Save for those times she got angry, but those were rare enough.

When he moved to take the lead; Hiddenwrath merely slowed her owned pace a notch, until she padded sedately by his side.

She understood.
He could never be just a follower.
And she would not challenge that.
Couldn’t even if she wanted too.

“We go away. Far away. Find our own world…our own home.”

Was the soft answer to the question poised.
Then he continued; driving home point after point.

But Hiddenwrath was unfazed.

“I will stay with you.”

And those words were spoken with such conviction; there was no doubt their truth.

Btu why would Kestrel’s clan threatened them?
Hiddenwrath and her parted on such good terms.

She blinked.

“I could. If it meant you would be safe…I could.”

[Shadow Spirit]

You throw me off balance...

Anarchy was tempted to ask the she-cat if she was sane. What reason did she have to believe him, to stay with him? Just what was there between them?

"I still don't really understand why I bothered to protect you...even though it was ultimately my tricks that saved both our hides..." he began. "What reason do you have to trust me...even now...how do you know this is not another trick...?" "My very first intention was to kidnap you...even when I was "flirting..."

[Hiddenwrath]

“I like to think there are stars shinning even in the blackest of nights; I like to think there is hope, even in the darkest of alleys... in the darkest of hearts. That's why I want to look in yours each day, hoping to see those stars I know are there, hidden somewhere in the depths.”

A swallow.
Hiddenwrath had said those words without as much as a thought.
They had come from her heart.

She felt odd.
Scared?
No, that wasn’t the emotion that gripped her form, seizing her so that she stopped suddenly, looking at Anarchy.

Warmth.
She felt warm.

[Shadow Spirit]

I thought I knew it all...so why do I feel so foolish...?

For probably the first time in his life...Anarchy was afraid. Her words were sincere, that much he could tell, but how could he let her say them? Where would his life go now? How could he still be Anarchy...with an attachment to another? He was afraid...of getting too close...of losing his freedom. But at the same time...he craved it...

"I'll have you know...I've fought and raped she-cats before, tenderness is not something you will get from me..." he admitted. "If you can be content with a relationship that is built on mostly domination...and the occasional bittersweet moment...then that is the only way that this can work..." He gave her a moment to consider his words. "I am not just called Anarchy, I AM Anarchy and I will not change who I am because my feelings have changed...you will not approve of all I do in coming times...but you will have to accept it...or I cannot allow myself to love you..."

The tender word was inserted into the sentence like an afterthought. A word which could mean so much, was nearly disregarded. The demon tom's will was as solid as steel...and his heart not much softer. Hiddenwrath had left the war between the clans...but now she would fight battles with...and against the one she cared for so much...

[Hiddenwrath]

“I’d be content with anything you gave me Anarchy.”

The fluffy she-cat found herself torn and twisted; her heart hammering loudly once again. Domination?
Ah, bittersweet emotion…

“As long as I can be by your side…I’ll do anything.”

What if he killed a Risingclanner?
What if he killed….

No.
Hiddenwrath was a loner now.
No longer a Risingclan warrior.
Kestrel and the others…they could fight for themselves.
Burning brightly through the night sky.

Love?
Was this the emotion that blazed through her?

If it was love…then she could only accept Anarchy’s words.
And although it hurt to think that someone se knew could be killed by him…

This was too soon.
One step at a time, right?

But Hiddenwrath was no mindless creature; bent to serve the will of others.
There was a streak of determination; of strength, blazing through her hazel hues.

[Shadow Spirit]

You're not making this easy...make this last for ever more...

Anarchy smiled at her. He actually smiled. Not a look of evil, not a smirk...it was genuine, and it was a milestone for a cat that the world had betrayed. Not understanding these feelings at all, but knowing they were his, he decided he would have to learn to cope with them.

"You have no idea how hard this is for me...though I'm sure you would say the same..." he spoke simply. Then he leaned closer to her and gave her a gentle bite on the ear, that turned into a longing lick on the base of her neck. The demon tom would never be tamed, but perhaps she could be his medicine...a soothing reminder of the kind of life normal cats lead...

[Hiddenwrath]

A smile.
No.

Not just any smile.
It was his smile.

And with that, Hiddenwrath’s heart burst.

A low purr rippled from the she-cat’s throat, as she butted her against his shoulder, a gentle rub of affection against it.

She had loved her family.
They had turned against her.

She had loved her clan.
They had chosen to throw her out.

She had loved Risingclan with her warrior’s spirit.
Yet her heart refused to be divided.

She loved Anarchy.
Chaos, destruction.

Disorder.

Hiddenwrath didn’t want to be just a reminder of something he thought he couldn’t have; she wanted to be proof to him that he could live a life not build on the sins of the past.

[Shadow Spirit]

I want this desire to never end...

Anarchy was in a state of heated desire. Lust and love came together to create a powerful and potentially destructive force...

"Why does it feel so good to be near you?" he moaned into her ear, as he bathed her neck in warm licks. Feeling his temperature rising, he stepped back a bit and then pushed against her chest. Pressing with his whole weight against her, he tried to push her onto her back, seeking her soft belly fur...lost in his thoughts...

[Hiddenwrath]

Was this what he meant by domination?

Fear.
A stab pierced though her senses.
Pulse increased wildly.

A muffled squeak escaped her muzzle as she found herself suddenly almost slammed on her back against the ground.
Dizzy.
Oh boy.

Shaking off the wave of dizziness, she suddenly whapped Anarchy against the top of his head.

“You’re acting silly!”

Lecher...